|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| it's about that time...?it's really only been 6 months... but i figured hey - why not update my xanga
granted, now that facebook has taken over the world, there aren't a lot of you guys out there who'd bother to read up on xanga sites
sooo... what's up with my life.
well.
there's school - where i'm taking 5 courses this term.... one of them being the big choral union at ubc that consists of more than 200 singers *woot!*
I get to sing in latin! haha (is that a grimace i see?)
and work - where i'm working approximately 26-27 hours a week
and ultimate - with practices ~ 3 times a week and nationals being held at ubc this year (weekend of oct 12-14) ... should be fun? i guess? we shall see. it's definitely been a BIG change in playing womens ultimate...
and piano - where i'm teaching two kids in the mornings of my "free" day aka saturday
and to wrap things up, i'm also teaching a sunday school class to 4-5 year olds
yeup. my life. in a nutshell.
i was just talking to a friend a few minutes ago ....
i suggested having a fake birthday party just so i have an excuse to have people get together so i actually get to see them
... we can celebrate betsy's 21.75 birthday!
...no?
*sigh*
and to finish things off, i'm going to steal a quote (well... semi-rephrase it) from my one of my beloved cousins (not the one i got stuck in the elevator with and had excellent family bonding time with 5 other family members)
i have officially sent "my social life to the morgue"
| | |
| hmmm...
yup.
i've now hit the big 2-1
i dont think i ever really understood the big whoop about birthdays
it's really just another day
to me, it boils down to having a rare opportunity to get together with your family and friends to celebrate the occasion
it means receiving text msgs and emails and calls from people who made an effort to remember the day (or bothered to look at the birthday lists on facebook =P) and to remind you that for a split second, they thought of you
and i would like to take the time now to thank each and everyone of you
what have i done in these mere 21 years?
what does it mean to be 21?
.... yes. many of you have brought to my attention that i am now able to "booze it up" everywhere in the world and i can imagine many of you looked forward to the day where you didnt have to use your fake ids to buy drinks
this would all be great and dandy if i were a person who enjoy drinking but as most of you know, i dont
sooooooooooo. ya.
another big thing about turning 21 for a lot of people is the ability to go gambling.
..... again. i'm not a gambler (yes i know. i'm quite the party pooper), soooooo.ya.
21 doesnt feel different from 20
ANYways.
so.... in reflection of my past 21 years....
from a young age, i always felt older than i really was
taking on tasks that weren't normally given to someone my age at the time
being more mature than most
perhaps it has something to do with the independence my dad always gave me since i was a toddler - letting me explore and find things out for myself (the good and the bad) and not being overly protective and over bearing
perhaps it has something to do with the fact that i grew up with people who were a year older and i felt like i had to grow more to be on equal plains with them
perhaps it has something to do with growing up playing with the boys - and being the only girl, i felt like i had to fend for myself or the big mean ol' boys would rip me up into shreds - which didnt happen since i was still a head taller than most of them back then (oh how i miss those times) hahaha
im sure there are a lot more instances and opportunities i had that nurtured and prompted my independence and i'm grateful for everything and everyone that helped me grow into the person i am today
it's really all about living a life of no regrets
---
i had a nice chat with a good friend last night ;)
i sort of wondered outloud what my life would be like if i didn't have so many responsibilities
just the idea of having more time to goof off and sit around to do nothing - no agendas no nothing
but then.
i stopped myself mid-thought and realized.... i wouldn't be very happy.
i've never been one for free-loading - i was taught at a young age to depend on yourself and not rely on people if you can help it because in the big scary world, you've only got yourself to fall back on at any point in your life
i'm loving my independence and freedom and i'm happy to take on the challenge to support myself as well as the responsibility all this freedom means
i wouldn't have things any other way
fingers crossed, i'll be done school in 3 years (yes. 3. so bugger off)
annnd i'll be 24 - still pretty darnin young to do stuff with my life
i really look forward to what the next big change in my life is going to be and what that new challenge will bring
| | |
| another outlet for procrastination..but it was TOTALLY BILLY's fault for bringing up xanga
hahah
and thus began my journey through my past entries... which lead me to this one:
| procrastinator till the end.quick note:
i
was on the loo of koerner and saw this quote with 3 different people
contributing to it that didnt contain any fucks and shits ... for once.
anyways.
it made me smile
it read:
"have you had your smile today?"
"have you given me anything to smile about?"
"if you smile at your problems, you'll always have something to smile about! = )"
just thought that was a nice outlook on things
i shall attempt to stop being bitter about things
and now... back to my paper.
yes.
still.
bah |
... i just thought it was funny cuzzzz i was procrastinating then as i am now
and that quote was forgotten but is a good reminder
so... i win!
... cept i dont cuz it's now 5:41am and i'm still not done my paper.
i'm sorta a bit over half done.
ugh.
| | |
| I'm thankful for...we take too many things for granted
we moan and groan about how crappy our lives are every now and then
but do we -really- have the right to complain about ANYTHING?
i remember watching movies where they show a family sitting around the dinner table with the ginormous turkey and all the other side dishes and just as the kids are about to dig into the food, one of the parents would hold their hands up and stop everyone
"let's all join hands and say one thing we're thankful for"
the kids would roll their eyes and make a big deal about holding their brother/sister's hand
and they would all go around the table and say something - anything really - just to get it over with so they could eat
"i'm thankful for this turkey"
"i'm thankful for getting that A in science"
etc. etc.
i've never done that before
not a chinese thing
but that doesnt stop me from wondering what i -would- say
...
how do you encompass all the things you're thankful for into one sentence?
...
i dont think i can
"familiarity breeds contempt"
there are so many things to be thankful for but we dont acknowledge it because it's always there...
the ability to hear
the ability to see
the ability to breathe
the ability to run
the ability to live
and then there are things that we dont know we had until its gone .... and a lot of it cant be brought back
time passes by quickly...
i miss a lot of things
i miss friday nights with the kids at bethel
i miss hanging out with ppl from ulti after our games
i miss getting together without an agenda except just to be in each others' presence
i miss taking pointless roadtrips
i miss driving around with no destination in mind (that stopped mainly because of the ridiculous gas prices)
but i think we all go through phases in our lives
with each passing phase, we have to let certian things go but we also get to look forward to others things
this thanksgiving weekend, im lucky enough to be able to share it with a lot of people - family and friends and friends of friends
i'm thankful for each and everyone of you
you've all touched me in one way or another and molded me into the person who i am today
thank you for leaving your mark
| | |
| raw mei feel like... i'm not as strong as i thought i was
i've taken on too much for me to handle but i'm.. stuck?
i'm overwhelmed
the feeling of being unwanted is one of the crappiest feelings in the world
what sucks is sometimes, you don't know if it's just your head playing mind games with you or if you really are truly unwanted
i lie awake
bright lights flash through as i try to close my eyes
i'm so tired
i just want to sleep
my eyelids are heavy
i think i passed out by pure exhaustion... only to be awaken shortly by meant to live
oh the irony
swirling thoughts
of school
of assignments
of work
of other commitments
of people
of things to do
of bills to pay
of the lifestyle i'm living
i need a focus
one underlying focus to tie everything together i don't know you
i don't know me
i don't know what makes you happy
i don't know what makes you sad
i don't know what irks you
i don't know who your friends are
i don't know who your enemies are
the more i try, the harder i fall
the harder i fall, the less energy i have to get up
i just want to be three. | | |
|
